Sometimes mamas

Sometimes Mamas worry.

All the time.

Sometimes Mamas stay up late at night just taking in how much love she has for her child.

The strongest type of love out there.

Sometimes Mamas drive in their car and cry.

Almost every day.

Sometimes Mamas watch TV and weep at every sad TV show, movie, or heck even commercial.

Multiple times a day.

Sometimes Mamas beg with the Lord to keep their child safe.

Every minute of every day.

Sometimes Mamas get scared of something going wrong.

And not being able to stop it.

Sometimes Mama wishes she was a superhero.

And protect my baby from the evils in the world.

Sometimes Mamas are scared.

 Of the unkown.

And sometimes... Mamas have to remind themselves to enjoy the now.

Now. My baby is healthy.

Now. My baby is happy.

Now. My baby is pain-free.

Now. My baby is loved
Now. Her life is stress-free
Now. She is safe.

Sometimes mamas want now to last forever...
and by sometimes I mean always.

Things I have learned so far...

So here we are. I am going to sit here and tell you what I have learned (or haven't learned) in my 24 months of motherhood.

Disclaimer; no expert here. Just an ordinary first time mama living life to the fullest with a little bundle of joy on my side, oh and a very cool partner to love on along the way.

This is starting to sound like one of those puke, your life is perfect, type posts. Believe me, it's not. And before I go off on anymore tangents, I will just start with my list.

1. Patience. I have learned you need lots of this to survive motherhood. And it is amazing how patient one can truly be as a mother, patience with my daughter, and patience with all the changes that have come with this new role in my life. In fact, she has taught me to also be patient with other people and aspects of my life. She's always teaching me.

2. Organization. Is a must. It is so important to be organized. At any point of time, I might need to grab something as I am running out the door, and I just don't have "Extra' time on my hands to be fishing around for stuff. Therefore, everything, and I mean everything, has a designated spot in her bedroom or somewhere in our home. As a result, I take care of all things kid related. 

3. Pamper. Pamper yourself. Put on lotion at least a couple times a week. Put on a cute outfit. Get your nails done. Cut your hair (more than just once every 5 months... yea....about that). This is all so important to take care of yourself and be happy with being you. 

4. Schedule. Now... I know that this may not work for everyone. That certain circumstances may prevent mamas from having schedules.... however, in my case, a schedule could work. It would keep everyone sane in our household. Sure, there are moments where the schedule gets disrupted (that's life for you), but for the most part, 99% of the time, we should live by the schedule.

5. Eat. Sounds simple enough right? No. Not exactly. I can't tell you how many times I have forgotten to eat. Or Micaela falls asleep at night and I think "man, all I have eaten today is a bowl of cereal" (well... that and a few m&m's... haha). 

6. Love. Love on your family, friends, and oh ya... life partner. He needs extra loving once baby comes around. And I mean extra extra. Learn to find time to spend with him.

7. Time. I have learned with time, all things get easier. Not easy, but just easier. With time, it all makes sense.... you kind of have a few of those "a-ha" moments. And those moments feel nice. Not going to lie.

8. Capture. Pictures pictures pictures. Videos videos videos. Get it all. Your baby grows by so freakin' fast, it is unbelievable... and I LOVE to look back on all 20,000 pictures that I have.

9. Go out. Leave the house. With baby or not. Just go outside, venture out in the world (as scary as it may be) and live your life. You can't stay inside forever. Yes, I am talking to you. Get out of your house! Believe me.... I had to convince myself of this a lot.

10. Tissues. Carry these with you everywhere. I have learned that as a mother... you get a whole bunch of emotions that you carry with you at.all.times. Which means... this mama cries a lot.

11. Perfection. It doesn't exist. So don't try to be that perfect mother. You won't be. Sorry to burst your bubble. 

12. Never say never. Like I will never go out in public with my baby without socks or shoes on.... ya. That was me. Or never will I take a nap with my baby in my bed... mhmm. I think I might just even write a whole blog post on this "never say never" deal. Don't lie.... you know you have done it. 

13. Loosen up. It is okay for others to love on your baby.... i'm still getting used to this. So no expert in this matter... but I have learned it gets easier with this.

14. Remember. These moments don't last forever. They grow up, and they grow up too fast. So whether it means you have to write down every little detail of their life, or photograph every smile, milestone, or event, then DO IT! Don't be a slacker....you will regret it later. I cry thinking about how fast my baby is growing up. I think of her not being my little itty baby anymore and it brings tears to my eyes. I want to hold onto these sweet moments forever...at the same time, I love to watch her grow. I never want to forget these memories, and as a result I turn to blogging and taking pictures (sometimes in excess) of my darling princess.  I want to remember her like this forever. I want to remember all these special moments. The way she looks into my eyes, the way she needs me. As I need her. 

There are so many more things... and as I started typing this, I didn't realize how much would come at me. But rules are rules, and I don't like to make blog posts this long. Unfortunately, I think I broke my own rule. But that's what rules are made for.... to be broken.

Oh haha, cliche. I know. Shame on me.

The happy two years letter to my daughter

Micaela,

Here I sit again. One year later. Wishing you a happy birthday. I should get used to this. You know... the part of you getting older, birthday celebrations... yearly letters. But I'm not. And I don't know if I ever will. And although we have been at this for two years, I still feel as though you are my baby that I just brought home from the hospital.

I remember that day like it was just yesterday. You were so perfect from the minute we saw you. We fell in love with every feature of yours, every sounds you made, every kick of the arm and leg, every coo and ahh. Even the way you slept with your little tush sticking out, with your arms at your side and your lips all puckered out. The way you cried. The way you would look at us. The way you fit so perfectly into our lives.

And when your daddy and I sit down and talk about you as a newborn (which we often do), we can't help but giggle because baby girl, you are the exact same.

You have been at our side from day one. Never wanting to be far from us. Attached to our every move. Very stubborn and opinionated. Very independent yet needy. Never a dull moment. Keeping us on our toes. Making each and every day exciting, fun, and memorable.

I remember writing about how 'easy' of a baby you were. How I had no idea why anyone would ever complain. And then I saw other newborns. And one by one... your daddy and I would say 'Wow. Our sweet princess was never that quiet. Never that still. Never that content".

But we didn't know any better. Nor would we have wished any different. Because how you were, and how you are now, is absolute perfection in our eyes. We have loved every moment, milestone, and adventure with you in our lives. Not a day goes by that we aren't blessed by your presence, your quirky personality, and your contagious smile. Not a day.

I think about the future and what lies ahead. I see you already changing. Your baby features slowly disappearing as you grow thinner, longer, and leaner. I see your personality unfolding. The way you want to make decisions. The way you think through things and the way you act during certain situations. The way....

I hate to say this... the way you are growing up... right before our eyes.

And here come the waterworks...

My sweet, precious, beautiful, daughter Micaela. I wish I could explain to you how badly I want to bottle you up and keep you right by my side just the way you are forever. How badly I wish I could freeze time and savor these sweet childhood memories. How much my heart desires for you to love me like you do now forever and ever.

In your eyes, right now, I am everything. The way you need me. The way you call for me. The way you wrap your arms around me late at night, hold me, and tell me that you love me. Oh, my sweet little girl, if you only knew what you do to me. How you make my heart feel. The way you have changed our lives.

I know they say that you can't possibly describe unconditional love for a child until you become a parent, and here I sit and those words couldn't be more true. There are not enough words, not enough descriptions, not enough ways for me to sit here and try to illustrate the enormous amount of love that your daddy and I have for you. The kind of love that one could only dream of. The kind of love that makes us appreciate life on a whole different level. 

Our lives have never been the same since you came into this world, and we are two very lucky people to be able to say that you are our daughter and we are your parents.

Thank you Micaela for making us the happiest people on earth. For your smiles. For your giggles. For the sweetest hugs and warmest kisses. The snuggles. The constant entertainment. The late night chats. The never ending memories.

We look forward to the many years ahead of us, and we hope you always remember just how special you truly are to us baby girl.

"You are so beautiful, you are so smart, you are so special, we love you to the moon and back, infinity and beyond, over and over again 

with all of our hearts".

Please never ever forget that,

Mama

When you have a child...

When you have a child, the beginning of your story unravels,

and a previous chapter in your life closes.

When you have a child, it's no longer about you,

your dreams, your needs, or your interests.

When you have a child, your priorities change.

You think differently. You plan. Prioritize. And focus on the important things in life.

When you have a child, you can't possibly imagine your world without them.

A day without watching them laugh. Watching them learn. Watch them discover life. Their smiles and their laughs. And their tender moments of affection.

When you have a child, that child is yours. And you are his/hers. 

And the two of you belong together.

So when I hear about a mom or dad that walk out on their child... I'm left wondering...

Why....                          How...

And surely this can't be.

Because to me. A child is it. IT. You can't put into words what a child does to a parent. A mother. You can't put into words the love that is so strong that the saying your heart might burst out of your chest really means just that...

From love. The emotions. The overwhelming feeling of wanting to just hold your child every minute of every day for the rest of your life. And never let go.

But some do. Literally. Walk Away. Or they are placed in situations where they child is taken away, maybe because of another parent, maybe the state. Maybe because they are "tired" of this new life. Maybe they meet someone new. Maybe, they didn't know how to love you. Whatever the reason, they walk away.

Just like that.

And their life moves on.

How?, I ask.

How does one live every day without their child?

How do they breath?

How do they live with themselves?

Knowing.

Somewhere out there a piece of them is walking, talking, breathing, growing.

And they miss it all.

How is that possible?

Now that I am a mother. Now that I know what it is like to love someone with every ounce of your body and soul. Now that I know.... I'm left wondering. Questioning. Confused.

Although that child may live without you.

Although that child may find a life full of happiness.

Although that child may not spend a single day of their life thinking about you...

But as a parent. I ask.....

How do you live without your child, knowing, they are somewhere out there.

How do you find happiness in your life knowing a part of you is missing.

How can you possibly not spend every day of your life thinking about them... contacting them... fighting for that relationship.

How?

This....

I will never understand. 

ABCs of me... the lazy post

I've saved this post for a day just because. A day where I'm lazy to post anything of some sort of quality material. I apologize for this in advance. But still hope that you like it!

A. Age: 29

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore you dislike: Does this mean I actually like chores if I just pick one? Can we choose : check all. I mean if I had to choose one it would probably be putting laundry away

D. Dogs:  Yes, one. The most beautiful and sweetest Labrador in the world: Mara

E. Essential start to your day: Yogurt

F. Favorite color: Blue

G. Gold or silver: Silver

H. Height: 5'7"

I. Instruments you play(ed): My voice? Ha. The guitar? Ask my sis! I don't know... none!

J. Job title: Marketer

K. Kids: Micaela, my princess

L. Live: Lima, Peru

M. Mom’s name: Ana

N. Nicknames: Cyn, Cholita, Moti... That's it.

O. Overnight hospital stays: Giving birth to Micaela

P. Pet peeves: Unorganized stuff

Q. Quote from a movie: "Listen, balance, my darling, is not letting anybody love you less than you love yourself"

R. Righty or lefty: Both

S. Siblings: One, and the most amazing one by far!

T. Time you wake up: 7:30 - 8:00

U. Underwear: Normal

V. Vegetables you don’t like: Beets and broccoli

W. What makes you run late: Micaela´s bag... I always forget something and have to come back

X. X-rays you’ve had: A lot

Y. Yummy food you make: Pastas and Lasagnas

Z. Zoo animal you like: I love all kinds of animals