Five-ager

It’s hard to believe that 5.5 years have gone by this quickly... but here we are!

Now, when I look at these photographs, I feel like it’s a little glimpse into the future – one filled with attitude and angst. However, already Micaela is exerting her own independence. Constantly determined to be part of the conversation, she always seems to have an opinion. Whether it is determining the order of our errands, the way we play something together, or any other simple preferences. I can only imagine what the future holds! And, as my mother warns me… I can just hope that she doesn´t make me pay for all I once did…

First quarter report card

Oh Mica, words cannot describe how proud I feel! I love you to the moon and back! Thanks for making us so happy!

The Biggest Crier on the First Day of Kindergarten Wasn’t My Daughter

It was my first school morning as a parent. You’d think I’d be doing the happy dance all the way to the car and heading straight to a cafe to celebrate. Instead I was speed walking with my head down. I needed to focus my energy on stifling the ugly cry that was fighting its way out. Suddenly, a sob escaped. I felt stupid. I mean, I was so ready for this day. I had been preparing myself for months. Why was I a basket case right now?
 


I never understood why parents got SO emotional about their kids starting school until about a week before watching my princess walk through the door of her Kindergarten classroom. While exciting, it also made me sad and I had trouble figuring out why. As Micaela acted out and complained of being bored at home the last 5 or 6 months, I would nod to myself and think, “Yep. She’s ready. I’m beyond ready!” In my mind, Kindergarten was the light at the end of the tunnel when things were supposed to start getting easier for me, for us. 
 


I was eager. I was prepared. And then those feelings changed. The week before school started I would think to myself, this is my daughter’s last Wednesday to just sit and play all morning, or her last Friday of “freedom”. The school schedule would become our schedule. Instead of planning days how we wanted to, we were going to plan them around the school calendar. I fought back tears visualizing the moment she would walk through the door of the classroom without me. For me that moment symbolized a rite of poassage from co-dependent to independent. Those precious “baby” years of having mom and dad as the center or their universe would be over. I would now be the parent of a school-age girl who would become less reliant on me, until of course she was off at college and had a bank account balance of $0. Then I’d be her best friend once again!
 
I knew I would have to start letting go, to let her make her own choices and her own mistakes while I wasn’t around.

I knew that I would not be able to be as present as I was when she was in preschool. There would be no daily reports of each activity she did, whether she ate her snack, or what toy she enjoyed playing with. I’d need to rely on her to tell me more than “fine” when I asked her questions about her day. There would be no casual banter with her teachers inside the classroom before the start of the school day or when I picked her up. I had to start letting go for her sake and for mine. She needed to carve her own path and be her own person, and I needed to give her the breathing room to do that. That was a hard fact to accept and the reason why this parent who couldn’t wait for the life-changing days the school years were supposed to provide found herself so sentimental and emotional.

My daughter started Kindergarten today. The day of saying good-bye to my baby and hello to my big girl has finally arrived. It wasn't easy and I too needed to make a rite of passage and welcome the school years, and the independent thinker my princess was to become.

A letter to my daughter on her first day of school

Today is your first day of Kindergarten. Your backpack is ready, your lunch box is set and your uniform is ready to be worn.  In a way, it feels like it took forever for this day to get here, but in another, I can’t believe you are already five and are starting school. Your dad and I have thought a lot about this day for the past year or more and it prompted a lot of changes in our lives. We want what is best for you, especially where your education is concerned so we thought a lot about what kind of school we wanted for you and I believe God has blessed us with an amazing one.

First Day at ICSL Lima

I hope that as you start school, your exuberance doesn’t wane. Your curiosity is going to get you so far and help you move past things that are difficult for you. In the years to come your differences may become evident to others but I hope they never become evident to you. I just hope you continue to feel comfortable and confident and that this is the beginning of bigger things for you. You are so smart and so charismatic. Please never change!

I cannot wait to see you enter your classroom, though I’m sure it’ll be through tears…mine not yours. I wonder what you’ll be thinking and feeling sitting in that big room by yourself. Luckily, you already know some of your classmates and you know how to ask the teacher for help if you need anything. We’ve done all we can to prepare you, the rest is up to you.

First Day of this New Adventure

So have a great day! Eat your snacks and lunch and participate in all your classes. Say hello to people when they say hello to you, and do your best to make new friends. Know that your dad and I are thinking about you all the time. We'll be waiting for you outside when your classes are over so be ready for a big hug and probably more tears from your mom.

The first day of Kindergarten is a big deal for me too you know. You will always be my little princess, but this is the beginning of your girl life and even though you are more than ready, I’m not sure that I am...

Why I’ll Cry On the First Day of Kindergarten

Earlier this year, when talking about Micaela's first kindergarten days, someone asked me,”Will you be one of those moms that cries on the first day of school?” My immediate reply was “No way; I will be strong and ready to drive my girl to school and happily say good-bye for a few hours until I come back to pick her up!” 

Well, with just four days until THE first day, I get a lump in my throat almost daily thinking about dropping her off this Thursday. Over the past few months I’ve given it a lot of thought, maybe too much. I think I now know why it is we cry on the first day of school and can certainly say I’ll be one of those moms crying at drop off this week. If not in front of my little girl, certainly back in the car and will be anxiously waiting until it’s time for pick up. 

I suppose it really hit me a few days ago. Like I said, until then I really wasn’t very emotional about it. But something changed this week. These past days, my princess has been so excited about starting school she practically talks about it all day long. She is SO ready to arrive, open the door, run to her classroom and start this new adventure that it scares me...

Sure I was used to Micaela being in preschool; she started when she was just two. I love the preschool my girl went to. And I certainly love the school she will go to now, but now she will be in kindergarten, which means she will start the first of her many years at school. Therefore, as her mom, I feel proud, but still nervous. 

This new place I will send her everyday. I am trusting this place and her new teachers to keep her safe and educate her. I realized these are two things that have been my job since she was born. Sure she went to preschool, but that seemed so much more like a place to play. This is SCHOOL, this is where she’d be learning and growing each day, tasks I enjoyed watching as she hit all her milestones. I realized I might not be there the first time she reads a full book or writes out a full sentence. I don´t think I am ready to let someone else watch my baby grow. I was trusting her to grow a bit without me by her side, and learn not only reading and writing without me, but have life experiences without me by her side... but now I realize I might not be so ready as I thought I would be.

I know one of the main reasons why I am nervous for her to head to kindergarten in a "new" + “big” school is that she will have difficult moments, moments where she will feel sad, nervous, or embarrassed, and I will not be there to dive to her rescue. She will now be on her own. Eventhough I hope and pray she will find kind, loving friends and teachers who might rescue her in my place. But honestly, as a mom, that’s a lot to let go of... a lot of control of protecting your little one. 

So today, when I think about that first day of kindergarten that is approaching and know I will cry... yes I will cry! The more I think about it, I realize I might even cry the "first day" of many more times too: when first grade approaches and the amount of time she was “out on her own” doubles, when she enters a middle school full of teenagers and starts wanting to hang out with them instead of coming back home fast, or when she graduates and goes to college far from home...

For me, now, the "first day tears" are meant for letting so many unknowns into our lives and having to put so much more faith in our children and that they’ll make the right decisions and be ok. We’ve raised her for 5 years, eager to learn and ready to explore the world and it’s time to let her go just a bit. And while my mama heart will hurt a bit that first morning, it will also be bursting with pride.

Happy 5th birthday my sweet princess Micaela!!!!

Five years ago today I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl I had ever laid eyes on! Since that day she has brought more joy to my life than I had ever thought possible! She's smart, funny, caring, thoughtful, loving, and much, much more... but above all that, she's the kindest, strongest and bravest person I have ever met! 

Every day I am amazed by you. You illuminate every room you enter – refusing to be intimidated by anyone or anything. You aim that adorable-eyed gaze at kids and adults, making friends, garnering smiles, and filling the space with joy.

Your tiny arms around my neck melt my heart. Watching you sleep gives me hope and a renewed faith in this world. You are more amazing than I will ever be able to convince you of but I will spend my life trying. Today you are five my sweet baby girl... I guess, technically, you are not a baby any longer, but for today... and just a little longer, you are still my baby, you still fit perfectly in my lap and you will always fit perfectly in my heart.

From the moment you entered my life, you have made me better. From the sporadic, “Mommy? I love you’s” that you sprinkle throughout every day, to your love of holding my hand, I am charmed by you.

I see a lot of myself in you. You don´t let people put you in a box, You get scared and then you get mad and then you try it anyways. You never ask for permission... It drives me a little bit nuts because I am so afraid you will get hurt but secretly, I am SO proud of you! You can accomplish anything you set your mind to and that is one of the most important lessons in life that I have dreamed of instilling in you.

If your daddy and I had written a letter to God before you were born describing the little princess we wanted in our lives, you would have matched it perfectly. You are kind – giving hugs and loving freely. You laugh and joke easily. You can also be a handful at times but I wouldn't have you any other way! 

 I thank God every day for choosing me to be her mother!

Happy 5th Birthday Micaela! I love you ´til the end!