Ma-má!

She was walking along on a raised curb that surrounded a garden bed in the park nearby the house, holding my hand, the first time she said it. Ma-má (she used to call me Ba-Bá). Mamá. Me. And then she was off. She let go of my fingers and she trotted down the curb on her own. She climbed off at the end and looked back at me. Ma-má, she called, waiting for me to grab her hand and start at the beginning with her. Mamá.

 

That’s right, I told her. I’m Mamá. I gave her a big kiss. Mamás are for baby loving, I said.

 

Ever since then, Mommas have been for all sorts of things: For banana keeping. For booger snatching. For naptime snuggling. For mandarine peeling. For book reading. For bubble blowing. For poop flushing. For milk giving. For fort building. For paint playing. For crazy dancing. For lion roaring. For boo-boo kissing. For hair drying. For silliness making. For head bonking. For window gazing. For outside going. For toy holding. For snack bringing. For dog walking.

 

She was looking up at me the latest time she said it. Standing on my feet, pointing to her water cup, asking me for more, Ma-má. I stooped down, handed her the cup, gave her a kiss. That’s right, I whispered as I ruffled her hair. I’m Mamá. Mommas are for water delivering.

 

...But they’re for baby loving most of all.

She

She is always in ten places at once. She is cruising all over the house, pulling herself up and perusing the remote control or the DVD player. She is peering out the window screaming KA! KA! at my sis (her favorite auntie) walking outside. She is running her hands along a banana while I make her something to eat, babbling and cooing. She is grabbing her toes and putting them in her mouth.

 

She is bumping her head everywhere. She is toppling the laundry basket. She is unraveling rolls of toilet paper all over our bedroom floor. She is diving for my body lotion and chewing on the telephone and shrieking with delight at the songbird perched on the windowsill. She is running in circles around me, laughing as I pop out at her, making silly noises and waiting for me to tickle her.

 

 

 

She is letting go of the walls and the doorjambs and my fingers, testing the strength of her legs. She is smiling as she runs toward me. She is climbing all over my body, stopping to sign for juice and for snuggles. She is sitting down, waiting for me to build a block tower, stacking four blocks up in order to happily destroy my creation. She is turning a dust puppy over between her fingers.

 

 

She is stuffing her tiny shoes in her toy-oven. She is slapping Mara to show her how much she loves her. She is placing items into my purse and pulling them back out again. She is exploring the kitchen, trying to pull the plates out, banging the pots together. She is flashing me a toothy grin, asking in her own silent way if I will play with her. She is waiting excitedly at the door for any of her visitors to walk in.

 

She is making me fall more in love every day.

Arguably the most lovely sight in the world

Sometimes I lay there as she sleeps, listening to her rhythmic breathing, smelling that scent I so adore, feeling her body warm against mine. My fingers trace her curls, the soft curves of her cheeks, her still and chubby fingers. The worries and pressures of each day slowly melt away. She babbles as she snoozes and I wonder what she dreams of, this child of mine. And then I close my eyes and drift to sleep beside her. The only thing more wonderful than holding her as she slumbers is holding her when she wakes up.

Ten signs thar motherhood has swallowed me whole

Micaela coming back from her 1st mission to the Moon! :)

1.    When I hear a sweet song, I think of Micaela.

2.    Watching her wake up is the highlight of my day.

3.    I plan all my activities around my little princess.

4.    My three most frequent destinations are the nursery, the park and Wong.

5.    At night, sometimes my arms are numb from picking too Micaela’s toys up.

6.    I talk about poop that is not mine. A lot.

7.    My entire life revolves around one daily life-changing event: SLEEP TIME.

8.    It is weird to have a conversation without mentioning Micaela.

9.   The quickest way to my heart is not through chocolate. It’s through adoring my child.

10.  I´ve learned the sweetest words in the whole wide world: "mamá", "mami", and "mamita" and I love to hear them over and over!

Babies (n.): Blobs with personality

Sometimes, I am background noise. I keep flipping the pages, reading the words, but she completely ignores me. There are plastic ingredients to throw! Laundry baskets to empty! Plastic blocks to lick! Walls to bop one’s head into! Tables to walk along!

When I give up, she looks back at me. Like WHY DID YOU STOP TALKING, MOMMA?

Sometimes, I am a human jungle gym. I lay perfectly still with my arms outstretched and she climbs all over me. She climbs over my legs, takes a nibble at my jeans, licks my cheek, bangs her head into my neck. Then she climbs onto my belly and lays her head on my chest while she taps her fingers on my ribs.

When I give her a squeeze, she pushes me away.  Like MOMMA, I’M TOO BUSY FOR HUGS!

Sometimes, I am a servant. I respond to her cues and her whims. I pick her up and then I set her down and then I pick her up and then I set her down. She throws a toy and I retrieve it and she throws it again and I retrieve it again.

When I interrupt a pattern, she shrieks in protest.  Like BUT MOMMA!  I LOVE THIS GAME!  COME ON, MOMMA!

Sometimes I am a kissing monster. I stomp my feet and tell her that I am going to get her. She squeals with delight and runs as fast as she can in the opposite direction. I tease her, string the game along, and then I catch her and swing her up into the air. I tell her that I caught her and I kiss her all over, on her toes and her forehead and her cheeks and I blow raspberries on her belly.

When I ask for kisses, she always obliges. But it’s as though she has to fit me in, somewhere between throwing plastic ingredients and licking plastic blocks. 

Like OKAY, I GUESS I CAN KISS YOU, MOMMA. IF I MUST...

...Yes, baby. Yes, you must.

Amen

A babe in the house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger of peace and love, a resting place for innocence on earth, a link between angels and men.
-  Martin Farquhar Tupper

Wordless Monday







Life with a toddler: more of the good stuff

I recently posted this and this. I've been thinking a lot about it for no other reason than, I feel it doesn't shed light on how much fun Micaela is right now, even though I always focus on both the positive and the negative (which I don´t even consider as negative, just as different) :). I talked about feeling frustrated sometimes, but I didn't talk about all the little words she's picking up. All of her funny facial expressions and nuances. For example, her newest thing is to point at something she wants you to see and say: 'Mio, Mio, Mio,' (Mio means mine in Spanish). Or how she will look you straight in the eyes and say 'Ven,' (Ven means come) all while simultaneously making the hand gesture to follow her. How she will call "Papáaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" (yes, she elongates the a) whenever she wants her daddy to be right next to her. Or how she will just wrap her little body around my leg and rest her head on my thigh while I'm turning on the TV to watch some videos or talking on the phone. She will look up at me and give me the warmest smile and sometimes will even kiss my leg. So sweet I tell you!

How about when we pick her up fom the nursery and she sees us as soon as they open the door. Oh, what a SMILE. It literally melts our hearts. It's as if there were no one else in the room for those first few seconds. We scoop her up and hug her tight. Or when her daddy wakes up in the morning and she can't help but exclaim: 'papiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!' It's almost as if she hadn't just seen him sleeping right besides her. My favorite? When she repeats over and over: 'Mami, Papi. Mami, Papi,' when she's feeling happy and only wants to play with one of us.

I know that one day my Micaela will read these words I write. I don't want her to ever feel as though she did not make every single day better than the last. I like to be honest with what I share here. There are definitely moments that are tough and frustrating. But, they pass. And life with Micaela in it is nothing short of amazing. Toddlerhood and all! :)

Letter to my 17 month old little girl

Our beautiful Micaela is 17 months old and like always she leaves us amazed and incredibly proud.

 

Over the past month more than anything, we have watched her become more physically capable and confident. Firstly, she is a climber. She climbs onto the sofa with ease, and loves slides at the parks. She also runs full-tilt with no fear, loves dancing to music, gets into her chair by herself, and has started to throw things overhand.

She is also getting better with her hands. She uses a spoon and fork (although often ditches the spoon when the meal is particularly good in order to eat at a faster rate). She loves coloring and will color certain objects in the picture when asked. She stacks small objects and makes towers of 10+ blocks.

Our little princess is definitely a child of the i-generation. She use our tablet with ease, unlocking it and finding the folder with her songs. Of course, we have to deal with occasional deleted app and random posts in our facebook pages.

 

 

We have completely lost count of how many words she now understands. She can identify most common body parts. Her ability to comprehend and understand words and instructions is amazing. She will completely surprise us almost daily with a new word we didn’t know she knew.

 

Micaela is very loving. She often hugs other children at the nursery. Blows us kisses. Will kiss the computer screen when she likes the video she is watching. And best of all, loves (and requests) “group” hugs from Pablo and me!

She loves her stuffed toys and baby dolls and will try to feed them and take them in turns for a "train ride" up and down the hall. And, she becomes concerned if they are “injured”.

 

 

Just this week we started talking about potty training and it made me realize just how much Micaela has grown and changed in such a short period of time. To think she use to be so small and helpless and now so cheeky and grown-up.

 

Happy seventeen months, sweet little monkey!

We love you even more than bears love honey (and everyone knows that’s an awful lot)!

I wish WORRYING had an off-switch

Some weeks ago, we began letting Micaela walk and run at parks, and other places we go to, on her own. Sometime last week, she suddenly began to really take advantage of that. It is important to us that she learn her own limits this way, by testing and trying, by climbing and falling, by sliding down every direction, by playing with children of all ages - but I have to admit that it is VERY difficult to let it happen. 

It takes everything I have not to helicopter around her at all times, ensuring that she never fall.

Then she gets to the exact place she wanted to go and looks so triumphant, so unfathomably proud of herself, so happy and radiant and confident…and I know we made the right choice.

But that doesn’t make it any easier to not-helicopter the second or third or fiftieth time around. I never thought I would feel so protective and nervous about watching my child PLAY, but in watching her walk, trot, run, and explore, I find myself thinking "gee that looks dangerous". Especially when there are older children around since she wants to do everything, and I repeat, everything they do. And goes from one place to the other... and turns around to change directions... and, and, and, and AAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD!

Mommy goggles

Parenthood has transformed every facet of my life...

I knew that this would happen. I knew that having a child would change everything from my daily routine to how often I pee. But I guess that sometimes KNOWING and EXPERIENCING change are two completely different languages.

The single most unexpected part of this has been the great perspective change that I call MOMMY GOGGLES.  I see everything through Mommy Goggles these days, EVERYTHING.

My relationship with Pablo is no longer a simple relationship between two people; it is the cornerstone of a family. My bedroom is no longer four walls with a bed stashed inside; it is the place I cuddle and spend some wonderful moments with my little princess. My house is no longer a plain space with windows; it is a home.

My friendships are no longer worth maintaining unless they understand that sometimes it takes me several weeks to make a phone call – because, well, I’m busy with my little one. 

Relatives are about five billion times more important to me – because they love to make my child smile.  Heck, for the first time EVER, I finally understand my parents.

And the rose-tinted Mommy Goggles do not stop there. 

I babble happily at babies in public when I might have previously passed them by. I give a thumbs-up or an understanding smile whenever I see another mother, even though a year ago I’d have averted my eyes. And I take time to smell flowers and touch tree bark on our park walks. 

A few days ago, we went out and I found some Kleenex in Micaela´s back pack. I scrubbed pulled some out and waited eagerly for us to play with them. Kleenex. I wanted to play with Kleenex.

On that note, Mommy Goggles have not only enriched my personal relationships and convinced me to stop and smell the roses, they have also turned me completely insane!

So... do you have Mommy Goggles too?

Random thoughts of a loving mother

Sometimes I sit and just watch Micaela play. I'm the silent observer in the room.

She builds towers with her blocks. Or shares her snacks with all her furry pets.

She's so sweet and gentle. She´s so giving and kind.

She dances to the Mother Goose Club songs and slaps her knees along with the characters in Gigglebellies.

She'll walk around chewing on her fingers, trying to relieve the pain from those pesky molars that have been taking their sweet time coming in.

She'll call, "mamá" over and over and when I answer, she never has anything else to say.

Just checking to see if I am still here...

Sweet little princess of mine let me tell you something that I want you to know for sure:

I'll always be here.

Anyways, I wanted to write all this out so I don´t ever forget it. I never want to forget any of it. I want to have it documented so years from now we can look back on these moments and laugh. I can tell her how excited she would get when Pablo finishes work at the computer and comes to her room to play with us.

I just can´t put into words how much she loves to see us hug. And runs to join us in a huge, and amazing (no matter how many times we do it), group hug.

I was thinking...no one cares about any of this... But I do. And I want it written down.

All of it!

Not just the happy and silly but the days where I want to pull my hair out and hide in the closet and eat chocolate.

I never could have imagined the way blogging would influence my life.

The indescribable feeling I get when I check my stats and see that many others are sharing all this with me.

And some days I have a heavy heart and I need to share like I did in this post or here.

While other days, I need a laugh so I post something lighthearted and simple like this post.

But mostly, I want to remember it all.

Birthday parties and her birth day.

Random fun days and how not to include Micaela´s odd love for statues! :)

And before I call it a day I must say: "Thank you for walking this journey with me and my indescribable family"!!!!!!!!!

Wild Micaela

I've come to the realization that I have a wild child. She is rambunctious and mischievous. She keeps her father and I on our toes, all day, everyday. She gets into things she knows she shouldn't. She has a fiery personality that, I've decided, she gets from her father. :) The testing limits and boundaries, I'm not sure where she got that from... (whistling as if I truly didn´t know). It's interesting. Definitely makes me appreciate all those books and blogs I read before she was born and makes every single day an adventure, that's for sure! And, this is only the beginning... Ha! ;)

An open letter to my mom

The day that a new beautiful life is instilled into you is the day that your journey of motherhood starts. The journey is destined to be filled with many joys, pains, blessings, lessons but most importantly a new child who is ready and eager to explore all that the world has to offer.

God has given me the opportunity to experience this wonderful stage of life and now I look to my mother and ask her every question about motherhood. Why? Because to me, she is the best doctor, nurse, lawyer, scientist, educator, cook, detective in this world. Yes, my mother wears many hats but the hat that she is most proud to wear is mother to two beautiful young ladies.

I know that it hasn't been easy raising us, especially me... Most mothers will agree that being a mother isn't the easiest job, but it is one of the most rewarding. Well changing dirty diapers, taking care of runny noses and doctor's visits for chicken pox doesn't sound rewarding but it's not that bad. And I know that now!

I want to take the time out to personally show my appreciation and gratitude for all of the mothers around the world. You all inspire me in so many ways. I know everyone says that their mother is the best, but I got news for you, my mom is the best! I know that is something that she will hands down agree with.

She has gone out of her way to make sure that my sis and I have the basic necessities of survival and more. When times were tough my mother never let that get her down for long. She would always dust herself off and regroup and make things happen. We never had to worry about being hungry or not having a bed to sleep in. She has always put us, her family, before herself without asking for nothing in return.

Each year as I get older the number of birthday gifts gets lower and lower however I always look forward to the gifts from my mom. Those have been some of the ones that have touched me the most. One of my favorite gifts from my mom was a huge, and by huge I truly mean huge, furry bear. I got it on my 15th birthday and I know I will remember it forever.

I will also remember how my mom has always told me to never give up on my dreams and to never give up no matter what anyone says. I could go on and on about how great my mom is but there is no need, she knows that I love and appreciate everything that she does for me, for my sister, and now for my little princess Micaela. At the end of each day I can repeat that she is a great mother and I love her so much.

Once again, thanks mom and all the mothers around the world. Thanks for all that you do for your children and family. We appreciate it all even though we don´t always say it. I speak for all the people in the world when I say, moms rock!!!

The famous quote that says, "it takes a village to raise a child," well, yes at times it may, but to me it takes a strong, dedicated and powerful woman to raise a child. I want to dedicate this post to my beautiful mother, Ana Villar, while I promise her that each and every day I will continue to make you proud. You are one of the reasons that I'm here, and I thank you. Thank you for your strength, you passion and love for your family.

I love you very, very, very, very much!

THIS... this is love!

She is bursting towards me, running with alacrity, screaming. Her eyes are glimmering with excitement and her lips are shaped into a wild grin and there is a familiar thud, thud, thud of her little feet against the floor. Then she reaches me and starts climbing – her hands on my thighs, then my chest, then my face. She leans in, mouth open, gives me a kiss. And for a second, she rests her head on my shoulder, her hair against my neck, her cheek upon my collarbone.

THIS, I find myself thinking as she stirs again, this is love. This, right here, right now, this moment. This is the greatest love that ever was, that ever will be.

She is snorting as she falls into a deep slumber. Her eyelids are heavy and her limbs are relaxed and a whisper of a smile graces her lips. She breathes in and out, slower and longer, and the quiet overtakes us. We lay there, she and I, her legs tangled up in mine, her belly pressed against my own, as she dreams. There is laundry to be folded, I know, as well as lots of other pending stuff. But it’s warm and peaceful on the sun-kissed sheets, so I close my eyes and soon we are dreaming together.

THIS, I find myself thinking as we wake up peering into one another’s eyes, this is love.  This, right here, right now, this moment. This is the greatest love that ever was, that ever will be.

He is greeting her, saying HI BABY, as he wakes up with us. She is standing, bouncing up and down on her very stable legs, squealing with anticipation. PA! PAAAAAA! She is shrieking, PA! PAAAAAA! and she is grabbing my fingers, pulling me forward, thrusting one foot in front of the other, propelling herself like a rocket while my fingers support her.  He hugs her, holding her tight, and showering her with sugar. Then he looks at me and smiles.

THIS, I find myself thinking as I watch her giggle in his arms, this is love. This, right here, right now, this moment. This is the greatest love that ever was, that ever will be.

She is heavy in my arms, wriggling about, fussing and twitching and squirming angrily. I know she´s tired. I have learnt to understand her secret codes. She is whimpering unhappily, patting at my leg, looking in my eyes and asking me to feed her. I sigh and go get her baby bottle. Soon she is asleep and we can call it a day. Dreaming of carrying my heart in my arms the next morning.

THIS, I find myself thinking as we go back to our office to start working again, this is love. This, right here, right now, this moment. This is the greatest love that ever was.

The greatest love that ever will be.

Ten little fingers, ten perfect toes

Ten little fingers!

Ten perfect toes!

Two little ears!

And one little nose!

Two little eyes that shine so bright!

And one little mouth!

To kiss Mama Good Night.

The truth about motherhood...

Tantrums... need I say more?

We've entered that stage.  The one where the "wrong" food can invoke throwing it and screaming.  The one where naptime induces a crying little fit.  The one where removing the stolen phone from tiny fingers is seen as the start of World War III.

Tantrums. They have arrived.

I looked at Micaela the other day, in the middle of a semi hysterical fit, and I just quietly told her "I know, honey. I don't like it when I don't get my way either. I totally get it."

Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging the tantrum by any means. Those things are the bane of my existence, and we're working really hard to be consistent and firm with our parenting. I'm not saying that she was justified in throwing the tantrum.

But I get it. We sometimes do the same thing.

Things don't go my way and I get all huffy. Plans are changed and Pablo gets all grumpy. Something falls through and I throw a fit (and eat some chocolate).

I get it. And watching Micaela pitch a fit over something silly, like having the tablet taken away from her (currently her favorite, and off-limits, "toy") made me feel almost sorry for her. Not sorry enough to give her back the tablet (at least not at that same minute), mind you. But sorry that we do this to ourselves, and that she's already "grown up" enough to experience the effects of a fallen world.

See, I see myself in her. So much. My opinionated, independent little rascal. She is full of life and energy and already I can see that she's going to have all the answers. Like I think I do. And so when she throws her fits, sometimes I get this tiny glimpse of what God must think when I throw mine.

Watching me in semi-amusement. Waiting till I'm done. Reminding me that He knows best, that He loves me. Not giving me back my tablet.

I love this part of parenting. The part that helps me understand how God sees me, his daughter. The part where I watch my daughter throw an ugly fit and see a part of myself that needs to change.

She comes by it honestly, I'll give her that. Her daddy is even more of the fit-throwing type.  It is not just all momma. So we've got some growing to do, Miss Micaela and me. Learning to trust the One who cares for us. Learning that our way is not always the best way. Learning to roll with the punches.

And on an unrelated note, we may or may not be in the market for a toy tablet that closely resembles ours but does not do anything else than be there for her to push buttons and touch the screen as much as she wants... Hey, a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do. :)