Toddlerhood is contagious

Micaela is so almost-two.

She is all personality. Stubborn. Strong-willed. Adventurous. Fun. Happy. Curious. Every other word you could think of that describes the best stage in the world.

Did you spit out your coffee? Did she really just say "best" stage in the world.

Okay, okay, yes, I know... it's also quite the challenging stage. It is. I'm not going to lie here. Having such a strong-willed almost-two year old proves to be very difficult at times... many times. However, that being said, it doesn't change the fact that it is by far my favorite stage.

I love this constant talking, constant running around, constant head full of imagination toddler.

How fun it is to watch my daughter form new sentences on a daily basis. Sentences that sound so stinkin' ridiculously cute coming from this high pitched little girl. The inflection in her voice. The constant questioning on what this is and that is, and why this works that way.

How fun it is to watch her tear a room apart in 0.5 seconds. For the tenth time that day. Okay, lies, this is not fun when I'm forced to get down on my knees and help her clean it up. But while she is doing it? And watching her do so? Is pure entertainment.

How fun it is to see her explore, discover, and imitate the world around us. To act like a "little person". To pretend to sweep and mop around the house. To grab a wipe and start wiping the tables. "Estoy limpiando mami - Cleaning, mama". "Yo te ayudo - I help you". Cleaning.

How fun to hear her repeat things that Pablo or I say. "Sientate - Sit down", "Tranquilo/a - Calm down", or "Ya regreso en cinco minutos - Be back in five minutes". Not sure who she heard that from?

And that smile. Hold me, that smile. When she's done something good. When she's done something not so good. She just smiles. And her eyes sparkle. And all I want to do is scoop her in my arms, squeeze her, and hold on to this stage forever.

Toddlerhood.

Is so contagious.

Letter to my warrior: 23 months

Micaela is 23 months old today! And she will be 2 in a month! Side note: as I type this I’m slightly freaking out at this thought — not because my baby is growing up, but more so because I’ve just realized that my baby’s birthday party is in about 30 days and I’ve hardly done anything to prepare… Ok, thought over, back to denial.

I have to say, these milestone updates are getting harder to write. My princess seems to be developing and progressing at warp speed leaving us constantly amazed at each new milestone and achievement. 

Over the past month, her language ability has improved dramatically — each new day brings new words — “corta - cut”, “no se – don´t know”, “rompecabezas - puzzles”, “alas - wings”, “cumpleaños - birthday”, “chapa - chase” are some recent additions. She says “please” and “thank you”, often without being prompted. Micaela loves to point out the color of certain items — “azul - blue”, “rojo - red”, and “verde - green” and loves to impersonate animals at the mere sight of them. She has started putting words together, using past and future phrases more often and loves to tell us stories as we strain to decipher key words to understand what she is talking about. 

Micaela´s favorite phrase is still: “No, no, no, no quiero! - No, no, no, I don´t want that!” while putting her hand up like a stop sign. Although recently she has started using “yes” a lot more often. A funny oddity is that she will yell out the word “yes” in response to any question that is yelled within the house — “Moti, do you want some soda?” Micaela, “Yes!”.

My princess now climbs the staircase in a matter of moments and walk down as well (though not as confidentially), can kick a ball well and already has a decent over-arm throw, which has led to a number of new games. 

More than anything she is turning into a very cheeky little girl — filled with giggles. Like any toddler she gets up to her fair share of mischief — emptying tissue boxes, putting all of the face washes into the bathtub, putting the whole toilet roll into the toilet… she loves nothing more than play “chase” up and down the hallway. And she loves to hide. Every time that Pablo shows her a new hiding place — behind the hamper in the closet or behind the blinds — she will go a hide there four or five times in a day.

She will do funny little things that we never want to forget. Like lying in bed at night and rolling over just minutes before she falls asleep and pressing her belly button while saying “ombligoooooooo! – belly buttonnnnnnnn!”. Or insisting on “helping” to sweep the floor every time we get out the brooms (helping consists of spreading the pile of dirt to the four corners of the room). Or insisting on wearing her sunglasses when we go out.

My baby loves to dance to any music with a beat — she bops up and down, spins and claps her hands with excitement. She knows the hand actions to a number of songs: “5 Little Monkeys”, “If You’re Happy and You Know it”, “The wheels on the bus” and loves it when we change nursery rhythms to include her name in them. 

Micaela has a number of obsessions including: ants, the swimming pool and pez candy, water and Disney characters, Backyardigans, soft cuddly toy animals, the computer, stars and the moon, as well as pesto spaghetti. In fact, often the first words she will say in the morning include “fideo? – spaghetti?” as if to let us know that is what she wants to have for lunch. And during the day, she loves to be taken on expeditions to search for ants or snails. 

Already, my girl is strong-willed. She is not easily coerced, tricked, or deterred. So many of the tricks that we see other parents use on their toddlers to distract them, fall apart on her. On the one hand, it makes some things harder, but on the other, it makes us proud that she has such a strong personality and we just hope that she keeps on being like that when she grows up!

Mommy speaks in third person

There are things about you that change once you become a mom. There are changes I kind of knew about before getting pregnant with you, but I didn't fully understand the extent of the changes until there was you.

My body just isn't and will never be exactly the same. Multiple stitches pretty much sealed the deal on that one. I don't feel like my brain has functioned fully since the day I got pregnant. I just can't remember things anymore. Seriously, if it doesn't get written down, it doesn't get remembered. If t wasn't for my SO adored agenda, I would be drowning in a sea of post it notes. I feel like something happened during my pregnancy that severed the link that converts my short term memory into long term memory.

In the past couple months, I had a new realization. When I am with you, I speak in the third person. It started off that way because I read somewhere that you should refer to yourself in the third person for the first months of a baby's life. This way the baby can learn who you are without getting confused about why you're sometimes "Mommy" but other times "I" or "me." I really think that the fact that "Mommy" was your first word illustrates how well I was able to speak in the third person. But now I can't stop.

You're almost two now. You clearly know who I am. Now, it's important for you to use words like "I" or "me" and learn how they are supposed to function in a sentence. I know that I shouldn't be talking to you in the third person anymore. It's just...I can't stop. I mean, I've been doing it for two years, two years. It's hard to break a two year habit. Believe me, I'm trying. If someone had told my pre-mommy self that speaking in the third person would someday be a habit I had to kick, I would have told them they were crazy. Seriously, I can't stand when people speak in the third person. Sigh, but here I am.

Do you want to know the good news? There's no difference or change that I can't get over when you flash one of your smiles. You're worth it all and so much more.

May you my baby find inspiration wherever you go...

I am so thankful that the world is full of inspiration. There's inspiration in nature, in written word, in the love of others, and from time to time there's inspiration in a link that your friend emailed you:

http://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_if_i_should_have_a_daughter.html#.Tq6qTY6PS9I.blogger

"If I should have a daughter, instead of Mom, she's gonna call me Point B, because that way she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. 
And I'm going to paint solar systems on the backs of her hands, so she has to learn the entire universe before she can say, "Oh, I know that like the back of my hand." 
And she's going to learn that this life will hit you hard in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. 
But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. 
There is hurt here that cannot be fixed by Band-Aids or poetry. 
So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming, I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself.
Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. 
Believe me, I've tried. "And, baby," I'll tell her, don't keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick; I've done it a million times. You're just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house, so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place, to see if you can change him." 
But I know she will anyway, so instead I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby, because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix. 
Okay, there's a few heartbreaks that chocolate can't fix. 
But that's what the rain boots are for. 
Because rain will wash away everything, if you let it. 
I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass-bottom boat, to look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind, because that's the way my mom taught me. 
That there'll be days like this. 
♫ There'll be days like this, my momma said. ♫ 
When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises; when you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape; when your boots will fill with rain, and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment. 
And those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you. 
Because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's swept away. 
You will put the wind in winsome, lose some. 
You will put the star in starting over, and over. 
And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute, be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life. 
And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting, I am pretty damn naive.
But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. 
It can crumble so easily, but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it. 
"Baby," I'll tell her, "remember, your mama is a worrier, and your papa is a warrior, and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more." 
Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things. 
And always apologize when you've done something wrong. 
But don't you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. 
Your voice is small, but don't ever stop singing. 
And when they finally hand you heartache, when they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street-corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother."

I hope you find inspiration everywhere you go, you're thankful (even on the days when it's tough to be thankful), and you're like the ocean who "kisses the shoreline no matter how many times it's swept away."

Things I didn´t think I would hear until you were older

There are some days when I have to do a double take. The kind of double take you do when you can't believe your child just said that to you. I mean, are you 2 or 22?

For instance...

"I'm going to Wong. See you later!"

You typically say this with a purse strapped over your shoulder loaded with books. You turn your head back and wave bye as you walk away...into the next room. 

"Please wait. I´ll be there in a while."

This is what you say every time you are at your grandma-grandpa´s house. It started because I went to pick you up and you didn´t want to come home yet.

"I´m taking an airplane to visit Kathy."

You like to grab your back pack, load it with your furry pets, and pretend that you are traveling to visit Kathy. The funniest thing is that when I ask you if mommy or daddy are flying with you, you say "no, just Micaela!"

"This is just perfect!"

I think this is because Minnie Mouse says "It is perfect!" in the Mickey Mouse Christmas story. In any case, this phrase is hilarious for because you have understood what it means and you say it whenever you are happy playing or going somewhere you like to go.

"Hello? Who´s calling?"

You got this one from one of your songs from the "Hola Yola" CD and now you pick up the phone and say it to anyone who calls us.

Absolutes

Sometimes it makes me laugh on the inside when I hear someone without children proclaim an absolute about how their future child or children in general should be raised. It's not that I'm trying to be condescending or mean. I'm actually laughing at myself. You see, I had quite a few pre-motherhood absolutes that are kind of hilarious when I think back at them now.

- "Our child will be sleeping in her crib in her own room after just two weeks".

I remember telling my mom this as we put your nursery together before you were born. I had just heard stories about co-sleeping that were appalling to me. Your daddy and I had talked about it and decided co-sleeping was not for us. In fact, we were going to have you sleeping soundly on your own by the time you were two weeks old. That's how confident we were in our parenting skills.

Seriously, does that sound as ridiculous to anyone else as it does to me?!

When it came down to it, your sleeping had noting to do with us and everything to do with you. In a sleep deprived state, I'm pretty sure we would have done just about anything to get you to sleep. During one week, you would only nap soundly if I was holding you. So, I held you on my chest and  enjoyed every moment of the sound of your deep breathing (while doing things one handed). I remember your daddy coming in one day and almost scolding me he said: "If you continue to let her sleep in your arms, she's going to want to only sleep that way." I gave him a death glare. If holding you was what got you to sleep, then holding you was what I was going to do... and I was going to relish every second of it.

What happened to our two week plan? I think I forgot about our two week plan the moment I first held you in my arms. You slept mostly in your swing right next to our bed. At two weeks, I was nowhere near ready to move you to your own room. At three weeks, I cried when we moved the swing a little further away from our bed. At six weeks, you cried and cried one night when we put you in your swing. In desperation, we placed you in your crib in your room and you slept soundly there from then on. You may have been ready to move into your own room, but I was not. I was practically hysterical. I missed being able to see your little face whenever I opened my eyes or hear the sound of your breathing so we ended up co-sleeping and feeling proud about it... even with our original plans quickly being thrown out the window.

- "Our daughter will not be all girly and decked out in tons of pink".

I had a hard time with my presents. It's just that so much was pink. I kind of roll my eyes about the pink and the frills I wore as a child. I've never been much of a pink person as an adult. I wanted you to wear all colors: greens, yellows, and blues. I wanted to dress you in clothes that were comfortable and you could really play in. I hoped you would be the type of girl who wasn't opposed to getting a little dirty while you played.

A month after you were born, I had finally had enough. I can't tell you how many people asked how old "is HE?" I realized that if I didn't deck my child out in pink, people automatically assumed my baby was a boy (seriously, if you don't know, try asking "what is YOUR BABY'S name" or "how old is YOUR BABY"). It probably shouldn't have mattered, but it just got under my skin that people assumed you were a boy. That's when I started introducing more pink to your wardrobe. Before I knew it, your closet was filled with pink, and I had a toddler who adamantly loves pink. We have daily battles when I try to dress you in other colors.

It may not be what I originally had planned for you, but you do look so stinkin' cute. Plus, almost all of your girly clothes are made of cotton. They may be frilly, but they're also comfortable for play & we don't freak out if they get dirty or stained. A little bit of dirty is good for you.

- "My child will never throw tantrums like that".

I was so sure of myself before being a mom. I was so sure of the superior parenting skills I somehow knew I had even though they'd never been tested. There are times when I smile and want to go back in time to kick the person I was. You know, at times like when my amazing toddler is tantruming in a public place while my face is hot and red with embarrassment. Who was I to think that if I was a good parent, my child would not throw tantrums? Now I know that tantrums are what happen when your child is almost two and doesn't know how to appropriately express what she is feeling. The way we react to tantrums will play a part in whether the tantrums continue long into the future. Until then, you're still learning how to express yourself and uncomfortable, embarrassing tantrums are a part of that no matter what kind of parents we are.

- "I will never have a gross family-car".

I used to pinch up my nose in disgust at the condition of other family-cars. Food, toys, and dirt everywhere. "No way", I thought. Someday I will have a sophisticated and clean car. Fast forward to my life with a child. Cereal, sand, and a sticky substance we're not sure of cover our car on any given day. It looks more like a zoo than the sophisticated family-car I had once assured myself I would have.

- "Our child won't watch TV at all. Instead we'll fill her day with play and activities".

This still holds true. Kind of. We do try to limit your TV time. With that said, sometimes TV is our best friend. Like when you wake up at 6am on a weekend and your daddy and I can hardly pry our eyes open. We snuggle in the couch to watch Discovery Kids while daddy and I drift in and out of light sleep until normal waking hours. There are also days where we're all exhausted. I'm not ashamed to say (ok, I'm a little ashamed to say) that we've had some days where we've almost felt too exhausted to play with you. On those days, we let you watch TV and you couldn't be more thrilled. We're probably not going to win any parenting awards on those days, but you're safe, healthy and alive. So, we're going to call that a win.

- "If a parent tells a child they won't get to do something / get to have something if they're not behaving, they need to follow through".

This is something I've struggled with a lot lately. There are days when I've tried everything else and your behavior is still all over the place. So, I resort to bribery. In my heart, I'm so sure that telling you "if you don't do A,B,C then we won't do X,Y,Z" will get you to do what I've asked you to do. Or maybe that it's just that I've tried everything else. Unfortunately, much of the time the bribe still doesn't get you to do what I've asked you, and I'm not always prepared to follow through. Like when I tell you we're not going to grandma´s house until you pick up your toys like I asked you to. You defiantly tell me, "No mami, todavía - Not mommy, not yet". The problem is, I end up feeling sorry and therefore we end up going.

It's just that sometimes as a parent, I just don't know what to do or if I'm doing the right things at all. I do know that I need to get better at not telling you something that I'm not prepared to follow through on.

So as you can see, our thoughts and plans have changed quite a bit since becoming parents. For me, one of the gifts of motherhood has been the lesson of not being so absolute. We still have some absolutes, but mostly I've learned to go with the flow a little better. I've learned that what works for our little family is going to be different from what works for other families. As long as there is love, that's what truly matters. I've learned that we're going to have to constantly rewrite our plans, and I think it's made me a better person.

I've also learned to laugh at myself. A lot. So, thanks for that. ;)