Dear Micaela,
I have no words. I have sat here for a long time trying to think about how to start this letter. I write. And erase. Write. And erase. I have a feeling that this won't be the last time that you do this to me. Make me a complete mess. Make me lose my words, my train of thought, my grasp on the now. Make my hands tremble and my lips quiver. Tears of emotions I never knew existed. So I ask again, where do I begin?
Lets start with your birth.
It was beautiful Micaela. Absolutely beautiful. Everyone had been anxiously waiting for your arrival. And I couldn't have pictured a better story and to be surrounded by the ones that love you the most. You came so quickly (2 weeks earlier than planned), you were ready to meet us, and you were determined to make a statement. We should have known then that this would only be a mere glimpse of your personality to come.
We fell in love with you instantly. I understand now. I get it. You truly don't know a love like a mother has for her child until you experience it. It's a feeling I wish I could bottle up and show you. I wish I could put it into words or describe it in detail. But I can't. There just aren't enough words. Not enough time. And even if there were, I'm not quite certain that you would understand. Not sure if anyone could understand. Unless you too experience it.
But trust me baby, you are so, so loved. Not just by me. But by so many people around you. They have watched you grow. Watched you achieve so many milestones. Watched your personality unfold.
From the minute we brought you home, we were excited about every sound that you made. Every little move. Every little wet or poopy diaper. We squealed with excitement. Oh the little things. You made us proud. Your umbilical cord falling off? Proud. You rolling over at 2 months old? Proud. You sleeping through the night at 2.5 months old? Proud. But I hope this goes without saying... we would be proud of anything that you did. Milestone or not.
Your hair turned from blonde to even blonder. Your baby blue eyes continued to brighten as the weeks went by. You stayed awake more during the day, and slept more at night. You began to smile and babble. Your rolls became to form. And you began to grow...
It's hard to imagine how much has changed in a year and a half. How different yet even more amazing you truly are. You're no longer that fresh newborn that poops, eats, and sleeps. You laugh. You smile. You give hugs. And kisses. You walk to us when you want us. And speed away when you don't. You hoot and holler. And you make it known when something is needed. You no longer depend on me for your source of food. And you drink out of a sippy like a big girl. You dance. And bob your head. You clap and "sing" to the music. And you do so many other things that make me step back, look at you, and say "is this the same little baby I brought home a year and a half ago?!"
But what I love the most is that...
You know us. You love us. You want us. And you show us a love that no one in this world could ever compare to. You are our daughter and we are your parents. It's such an amazing concept, that I just sit here and have to repeat it over and over again. You are my daughter. And I am your mother. Your mother.
Do you know what that means Micaela?
I sit here and think about the future. What will it look like? What will next year look like? Five years from now? Ten? To me every day sounds so amazing. Better than the last. Watching you grow. Watching you learn. Watching you as you discover this world. And teaching you. Leading you. Setting the way.
I pray. I pray every day that I get to experience all those things with you. Even the moments when you are a teenager and you swear that you hate me and don't want anything to do with me. But if it means that I get to be there. That we get to experience this together, then I'm there. Count me in. Sign me up. Because my sweet daughter of mine... You are my world. My everything. And I know that you need me. But do you know how much I need you?
You are my reason for living. As cliche as it sounds. "Ya okay mom..." You are baby. You don't even know what you do to me. I could hold you forever... in my arms... and never let go. I'd be okay with that. Happy actually. But unfortunately, I have to let you free into this crazy world that we live in. I have to let you discover life and grow into the amazing woman that you one day will become.
So I'm not sure when I will give you this letter. I know that I will give you one with every milestone you achieve. Every first that comes into your life. But I think I'll save this one for much later. When you are much older. When you need it the most.
No matter what happens Micaela. Not matter where our lives take us. I pray for your future. I pray you are a strong woman. Smart. Ambitious. A fighter. Never give up on anything. Follow your dreams, and go for what you believe in. Never let anyone tell you that you can't do something. You can do anything you set your mind to. I pray that you laugh at lot. Love a lot. Enjoy each day. And have no regrets. I pray that you work hard. But enjoy life to the fullest. I pray for your future husband. Your future children. Your health. Your happiness....
But most of all...
I pray that you will never forget how much I love you. No matter where you are in your life. What you are going through. All the highs and lows....Your mama is here for you. Whether physically or not... my heart will forever be with yours. I will follow you wherever life takes you. And if there ever comes a day that I can't be here to tell you myself how much I love you... I hope you turn to this letter and read my words to remind you....
I Love You Micaela. I love you, I love you, I love you. Close your eyes and listen....I love you.
I have no words. I have sat here for a long time trying to think about how to start this letter. I write. And erase. Write. And erase. I have a feeling that this won't be the last time that you do this to me. Make me a complete mess. Make me lose my words, my train of thought, my grasp on the now. Make my hands tremble and my lips quiver. Tears of emotions I never knew existed. So I ask again, where do I begin?
Lets start with your birth.
It was beautiful Micaela. Absolutely beautiful. Everyone had been anxiously waiting for your arrival. And I couldn't have pictured a better story and to be surrounded by the ones that love you the most. You came so quickly (2 weeks earlier than planned), you were ready to meet us, and you were determined to make a statement. We should have known then that this would only be a mere glimpse of your personality to come.
We fell in love with you instantly. I understand now. I get it. You truly don't know a love like a mother has for her child until you experience it. It's a feeling I wish I could bottle up and show you. I wish I could put it into words or describe it in detail. But I can't. There just aren't enough words. Not enough time. And even if there were, I'm not quite certain that you would understand. Not sure if anyone could understand. Unless you too experience it.
But trust me baby, you are so, so loved. Not just by me. But by so many people around you. They have watched you grow. Watched you achieve so many milestones. Watched your personality unfold.
From the minute we brought you home, we were excited about every sound that you made. Every little move. Every little wet or poopy diaper. We squealed with excitement. Oh the little things. You made us proud. Your umbilical cord falling off? Proud. You rolling over at 2 months old? Proud. You sleeping through the night at 2.5 months old? Proud. But I hope this goes without saying... we would be proud of anything that you did. Milestone or not.
Your hair turned from blonde to even blonder. Your baby blue eyes continued to brighten as the weeks went by. You stayed awake more during the day, and slept more at night. You began to smile and babble. Your rolls became to form. And you began to grow...
It's hard to imagine how much has changed in a year and a half. How different yet even more amazing you truly are. You're no longer that fresh newborn that poops, eats, and sleeps. You laugh. You smile. You give hugs. And kisses. You walk to us when you want us. And speed away when you don't. You hoot and holler. And you make it known when something is needed. You no longer depend on me for your source of food. And you drink out of a sippy like a big girl. You dance. And bob your head. You clap and "sing" to the music. And you do so many other things that make me step back, look at you, and say "is this the same little baby I brought home a year and a half ago?!"
But what I love the most is that...
You know us. You love us. You want us. And you show us a love that no one in this world could ever compare to. You are our daughter and we are your parents. It's such an amazing concept, that I just sit here and have to repeat it over and over again. You are my daughter. And I am your mother. Your mother.
Do you know what that means Micaela?
I sit here and think about the future. What will it look like? What will next year look like? Five years from now? Ten? To me every day sounds so amazing. Better than the last. Watching you grow. Watching you learn. Watching you as you discover this world. And teaching you. Leading you. Setting the way.
I pray. I pray every day that I get to experience all those things with you. Even the moments when you are a teenager and you swear that you hate me and don't want anything to do with me. But if it means that I get to be there. That we get to experience this together, then I'm there. Count me in. Sign me up. Because my sweet daughter of mine... You are my world. My everything. And I know that you need me. But do you know how much I need you?
You are my reason for living. As cliche as it sounds. "Ya okay mom..." You are baby. You don't even know what you do to me. I could hold you forever... in my arms... and never let go. I'd be okay with that. Happy actually. But unfortunately, I have to let you free into this crazy world that we live in. I have to let you discover life and grow into the amazing woman that you one day will become.
So I'm not sure when I will give you this letter. I know that I will give you one with every milestone you achieve. Every first that comes into your life. But I think I'll save this one for much later. When you are much older. When you need it the most.
No matter what happens Micaela. Not matter where our lives take us. I pray for your future. I pray you are a strong woman. Smart. Ambitious. A fighter. Never give up on anything. Follow your dreams, and go for what you believe in. Never let anyone tell you that you can't do something. You can do anything you set your mind to. I pray that you laugh at lot. Love a lot. Enjoy each day. And have no regrets. I pray that you work hard. But enjoy life to the fullest. I pray for your future husband. Your future children. Your health. Your happiness....
But most of all...
I pray that you will never forget how much I love you. No matter where you are in your life. What you are going through. All the highs and lows....Your mama is here for you. Whether physically or not... my heart will forever be with yours. I will follow you wherever life takes you. And if there ever comes a day that I can't be here to tell you myself how much I love you... I hope you turn to this letter and read my words to remind you....
I Love You Micaela. I love you, I love you, I love you. Close your eyes and listen....I love you.
You are amazing. Beautiful. Strong. And Perfect. I am your mother, you are my daughter.
And I love you.
No other words. No way to describe it. I write and erase. Write and erase. Only to tell you in the end, that I love you. I'll compose myself and wipe my tears away. Because tomorrow? Well tomorrow is a new day in your life as a one and a half year old. And we have a lot of things to take care of baby girl...A lifetime of firsts to accomplish.
But first... let me remind you once again...
I love you. My heart. My soul. My everything. My daughter.
May you never forget... Mama will love you forever, with all my heart.
Love,
Mama.
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