A letter to my daughter... for her future

Dear Micaela,

As I laid in bed tonight stroking your hair, running my palm across your soft sweet cheeks, planting soft kisses across your forehead, I started thinking. I closed my eyes and I envisioned the future. And my heart began to write to you this letter. 

It took some time for you to finally fall asleep, but I wrote this letter to you all while I watched your eyes slowly shut and enter a world of dreams. Sweet, beautiful dreams.

Once I was certain that you were asleep, I ran to our "office", gave your papa a big kiss and opened up the computer. I had to take this letter and write it down. I wanted these thoughts to be permanent. I wanted to be able to read this again. Over and over. A year from now. Five. Ten. Perhaps my outlook then will change. Perhaps not. But whatever the reason, I just felt like I needed to write all this down.

A few weeks ago, while you were at your nursery, I witnessed a boy, slightly older than you, be mean to you. Of course you hadn't noticed the snatching of every furry pet from your hands as acts of "bullying" or "being mean". But your mama noticed. Your mama noticed and it hurt my heart, because all you wanted to do was play. Although this little boy is far too young to understand, and had no idea what he was doing (or intention to hurt), it made me think of other things nonetheless. 

About your future.

I thought about you growing up. Getting older. Starting school. Meeting new friends. Experiencing challenges down the road. Heartbreaks. Losses. And I shut my eyes fighting back tears. Tears over something that has not even happened yet.

I worry so much about you. I worry that soon I won't be able to protect you from all the evils of the world that are completely out of my hands. I worry that I won't be there to defend you, stick up for you, and scoop you up and take you away during moments of heartbreak or fear. I worry about how these obstacles in life will impact you. Whether you will open up to me. Whether you will let me in.

I know you won't want me to fight your battles as you get older. I know you will get "embarrassed" by my forward don't-hold-anything-back personality. I know that you will one day want to be independent, make decisions that may lead to heartache, and walk into situations that I laid in bed 16 years prior fearing of.

I know these things. I am aware of all the challenges that parents have to go through while their children grow. I get that I will have to let go of my worries and fear and just have faith and trust God.

But it's hard Micaela. It's so so hard. You aren't even two yet and I sit late at night crying my eyes out thinking about the perfect plan to protect you from it all. 

I don't have that plan my little princess. In writing. I don't have a plan A or a plan B. But I do promise you this. Your mama and papa will love you more than anyone in this world. We promise to protect you. To teach you. To show you respect. To praise you. To make you laugh. Show you the world. Live life to the fullest.

We want to raise you to be a strong, independent, kind, loving, respectful little girl that will blossom into a young woman one day. We want you to look past the negativity that surrounds the world that we live in and focus on the beautiful blessings around us. We want you to know when to walk away. How to say no. When to fight for something you are passionate about, and when to know its time to let go. The lists of wants and things that we envision for your future are endless. But most of all, we want to protect your heart and your soul.

I can't promise you that you won't go through heartache or loss, challenges, and obstacles.

But I can promise you that through it all, there will be two people you can forever rely on to be there for you.

Your mama and your papa. Please, never forget that.

Stay strong, stay beautiful, be kind, gentle, and respectful. We love every part of who you are and who you will become.

Love forever,

Mama